16 Feb 15 - Unnecessary

I can always feel the time passed by when you’re around. It flows through me like a cold autumn wind that leave a hint of the breeze behind. So fast, the time flies. I wish i could catch a glimpse but it just keep on slipping through my fingers. 

I wish the world pauses, for the moment you share with me.

Before i start typing this, i spent 1 hour on my SUV. Driving between my house and the nearest train station in loop and parked from time to time. I have an appointment which is not that memorable so i rather not talk about it. And the guy i supposed to meet should arrive at the station by 11. But because he doesn’t live in Thailand and he doesn’t have a hand phone, all i could do was wait in my car because the station doesn't have parking lot. 1 hour passed, no one came. And that 1 hour i spent being miserable alone on a very hot SUV parking on the side of the road, was very long.

Everything was still. The heat wave surrounding my car was blurring everything in my eyesight. There was minimal air ventilation. The air become heavy and stiff as it pressed onto my body and soul. The air stops flowing, so does the time.

Never does the time passed by so slow, when you are around.

Tortured moment goes by slowly, happiness passes by so fast. I feel the unfairness of the world as i stare at the road through the heat wave. In a tropical land where there’s only one season which is summer, you can only feel the breeze when happiness is around. Other than that, it will be just your burning soul and the miserable heat wave. 

I miss the happiness you gave me, all of the sudden.

I think i am too kind, like you used to say. I might be tough and harsh on the outside, but i have a kind heart. Too kind it do me bad than good. While i was sitting in my car, a merchant who was selling t-shirts on the pedestrian pavement starred at me, he was probably wondering who i’m waiting for. And i asked myself the same question, why am i still waiting for this guy that i know nothing about. I’m too kind to just leave him there, phoneless and have no idea what’s going on. And probably i’m just afraid of hurting his feeling if i don’t wait. But who cares? normal people would have left because they don’t care for people who don’t care for them. And this relationship is totally not worth saving. But still, Natsu, the indecisive girl, still sat there, trying to save the unnecessary relationship and try not to hurt people feeling. and then again, she unnecessarily handed the time her happiness in trade for other unnecessary people’s happiness.

There’s a lot of unnecessary there. Maybe i should start by focusing on the 'necessary' people around me, rather than those stupid friends on Facebook. 

The person who cares the least is the happiest. I should make that my motto.